Seven Years -- No Itch

They say time flies when you're having fun, but I find it flies right by just when you're living life. At least, that's been my experience in the seven years since I had gastric-bypass surgery. My head spins when I think of all the changes I've gone through over the years. Though the physical changes are most noticeable, I think it's the emotional changes that have made the biggest difference.

I remember sitting at Kaiser South San Francisco during bariatric orientation with my first husband. Part of the program involved patients at various post-op stages describing their experiences. More than one mentioned being frustrated because they were treated differently at a new size. When I think on that now, I can't help but laugh. I am treated dramatically different than I was before, but I am not bitter about it. How can I be? I AM DIFFERENT. I think differently, talk differently and interact with the world differently than I did at 350 pounds.  I am truly half the person I used to be. I don't think it's possible to undergo that big of a physical change and not be internally affected.

February 2005: Awaiting surgery.

I used to be a great observer. I think that's why I did so well in the newspaper field. I knew how to blend into the background (not easy when you're that big) until people forgot I was there. I watched. I listened. But I didn't participate. Ask anyone, that wallflower of years past is long gone. I won't lie. I think there are many people who miss her, but most have removed themselves from my present life. I grieved for the loss of some, but others are barely a memory as I have moved on. Those who are still present in my life get limited influence. I don't have the time, nor the energy, to live in the past.

Fall 2011: Almost seven years later.

I have no regrets, and there is nothing from my old life that I miss. I don't miss only being able to shop at Lane Bryant or Torrid for clothing. I don't miss my knees hurting every day. I don't miss the amount of time or effort it took me to move throughout the world. I don't even miss chocolate cream pie, which used to be my favorite dessert in the entire world. I love my life as it is right now. I love being a wife and mother. I love being an active volunteer. I love the fact that I have the energy necessary to do do all of those things and still run my own business.

When I think about it, there isn't much about my current reality that I don't relish. I feel fortunate that the tool of surgical weight loss gave me the freedom that I enjoy today. I am grateful for the changes it has forced me to make and maintain. Experts say any weight loss maintained after two years is a credit to the patient's hard work and commitment to permanent lifestyle change. If that's true, then I deserve a pat on the back. If it's not, then I owe a debt of gratitude to Kaiser, Dr. P. Legha, and the surgical team that made it all possible. Regardless, I have a deep sense of appreciation for the life I lead today, and the physical ease at which I live it.

Tales From the Dark Side, Part II

In following up to yesterday’s post, I want to address my answer to the question, “Given the chance, would you have RNY again?”

WLS blogger Melting Mama, has a nine-minute YouTube video that explains why she wouldn’t. If you haven’t already, please watch the video (at the top of yesterday’s entry) before reading this. It’s not that MM wouldn’t have WLS, it’s just that given the choice, she would have picked an alternate procedure.

MM’s WLS journey is similar to mine in that we both went under the knife when we were in our 20s, both were over 300 pounds at the time, both had RNY and both now suffer from anemia and hypoglycemia as a direct result of that surgical procedure.

Yet now, more than three years later – four for her – we have very different views on what path we’d take if we could go back in time.

Why?

Because of one very key difference: MM was a very healthy 20-something who just happened to tip the scales at more than 300 pounds. I, on the other hand, was slowly dying in a 27-year-old fortress of fat. That’s the difference that makes our post-op experiences worlds apart.

Here’s my laundry list of pre-op concerns:

1. Chronic joint and back pain (I popped Darvocet and ibuprofen like candy);
2. High blood pressure (filled my first prescription for the condition at 21);
3. Debilitating migraines;
4. Infertility;
5. Chronic swelling;
6. Difficulty breathing;
7. Lack of mobility;

At 27, I felt like I was 80. I worked so hard to pretend the above conditions weren’t a problem and that I was “healthy” despite my weight, that I was exhausted by the end of the day. I had been morbidly obese since childhood, and my body was ready to collapse under its own weight.

After a long talk with a compassionate, yet direct, medical provider, I realized that I was on the cusp; my obesity was just beginning to catch up with me. I could continue down the path I was on and face increasingly severe co-morbidities or I could do something drastic to lose weight in an attempt to drastically reverse my course.

I chose the latter, and I haven’t had a single regret since.

Even when writhing in pain from a life-threatening bowel obstruction, I said with confidence that I would do it all over again because one day of life in a normal-size body is sweeter to me than any number in my pre-operative form.

But let’s get two things clear:

1. I DO NOT feel that way, because I’m “thin.” Go back and read my early posts – from before I had surgery – and you will see that I was terrified of being thin. It was a foreign concept to me at the time, something I could not wrap my brain around.
2. Surgery wasn't a cure-all for me. I still suffer from some of my pre-operative health concerns; they are just easier to manage at this size.
   

At the end of the day, my life is truly better now than it was in 2004 when I started my journey.

In my opinion, MM is not a whiner. Every word she says is true. We just have a different perspective on our situations. MM is right on the money when she calls WLS a trade-off. You give up obesity in exchange for other concerns or issues. In her case, the juice isn't worth the squeeze. In mine, it is.

She may not have had a bowel obstruction, but her hypoglycemia and nutritional deficiencies are much more severe than mine; I don’t suffer seizures nor do I need round-the-clock glucose monitoring. I also think that I’ve gotten more diligent after-care than she has – even when that bowel obstruction went misdiagnosed for six freaking months.

And I will say one thing very plainly: Reactive hypoglycemia is a nightmare.

MM says it best with the succinct comment, “Yeah, I look good. But what does that matter if I’m dead?”

If I ever came close to regretting bariatric surgery, it was when I became hypoglycemic. It’s difficult to articulate what it’s like other than to say it feels like your body is your enemy. Between that and the anemia presenting themselves at the same time, I felt like I was at the brink of insanity. The emotional and physical toll of hypoglycemic episodes were debilitating for me until brought them under control with the help of a caring, knowledgeable doctor a few months ago.

This last year has really been tough. I won’t lie. But in my situation, morbid obesity was still tougher.

Annual Lab Results: The Human Pin Cushion Speaks

It's that time of year again. You post-ops all know what time I'm referring to. The time when we head to the doctor a leave with a handy-dandy lab request form in hand that has more boxes marked on it than unmarked, leaving us to wonder whether it would have just been easier for the doctor to write a note saying, "Check for everything but ... "

My lab results weren't that great last year. Both my blood sugar and iron levels were low. But with my employer changing insurance providers and then me taking a new job that offered other types of insurance plans, I had a hard time keeping track of things.

I met my PCP last week and instantly liked him. Merced may have a shortage of physicians, but so far, I think the ones we do have are top notch. He ordered a full course of lab tests for me and referred me to a nutritionist to discuss my hypoglycemia.

At the lab, I struggled not fall asleep as the technician drew eight vials of blood. I made a bee-line from the lab to a food source when it was all said and done.

My results came in early this week. I wish I could say I was surprised by them, but they only served to confirm what I already knew: I'm a bit out of whack.

First the good news: My cholesterol is 167. My risk level for cholesterol-related heart disease is 0.67. Average risk is 2.34-4.13. My doc is very happy. The nutritionist says I can eat all the cheese I want. Must be why I like her so much ;-)

Now for the not-so-good news: I have mytocytic anemia, most commonly referred to as iron-deficiency anemia. Most common, most easy to treat. The main concern is that I've been supplementing daily yet my iron levels are half of what they were a year ago, and my organs are not getting the oxygen they need. This is why I'm so tired and why I can't sustain physical activity for very long.

Here are my results for perspective:
Ferritin -- 1 (normal is 10-154)
Total Iron -- 22 (normal is 40-175)
Hemoglobin --- 10 (normal is 12-15)

Thought my ferritin level is in the toilet, the nutritionist I saw today said she doesn't recommend infusion therapy unless total iron is 10 or less, or hemoglobin is 7 or less. It's her opinion (she's also a family practitioner) that I can afford to try a higher dose of oral therapy for six weeks to see if that improves my levels. If it doesn't, then she'll combine oral therapy with weekly injections. Transfusion will be her last course of action. We will continue to monitor my iron levels every six weeks until I get in the normal range.

I've been taking 20mg of chewable iron daily. She's prescribing a new type of iron supplement that's supposed to be really good for women in general, but has also shown great results in bariatric patients. It's called Repliva. It's set up like birth control pills, where you take one active pill a day for 21 days and then an inactive pill for 7 days. Apparently, the body absorbs iron better when it gets a little break in between supplement cycles. Repliva is said to be more bioavailable than other forms of iron, because it contains B12, Vitamin C and Succinic Acid, which all act as binders to improve absorption. So, in theory, my body will absorb all 150mg of my daily dose. It's available by prescription only, and there is a chance that my insurance company won't cover it. But if it's not covered, I will figure something out. I can't afford not to supplement my iron intake. I'm not the type of person to cut corners when it comes to my health.

I really like my nutritionist. She gave me a glucometer so I can test my blood sugar levels daily and also gave me a plan of action on how to better control my hypoglycemia. I feel like she really took her time explaining reactive hypoglycemia to me and giving me additional tools to manage it. For instance, she told me that reactive hypoglycemia is much more common in the morning, which explains why I have such issues after breakfast that can lead to me ping-ponging all day to achieve balance. The solution may be as easy as eating only protein for breakfast. Following the same logic, that would mean that if I do want to indulge in a carbohydrate, dinner is the best time to do so.

Aside from logging my meals and testing regularly to find patterns, my immediate goal is to figure out how much carbohydrate my body can handle at one time and then ensuring I get a steady dose of that level throughout the day. This should alleviate my problems with fluid retention and bloating. I'm starting with 100 grams of carbs a day, split equally (20g) through my five meals. She prepared me for the need to juggle as my glucose monitoring reveals a pattern. For example, she said I might find that I have to limit my morning meals to only 10 grams of carbs but can boost my afternoon and evening meals to 30 grams.

Long story short, she did a lot to make me feel that all is not lost. That my hypoglycemia can be managed. And though it will take patience and discipline, I feel like she's willing to partner with me in figuring out my specific needs.

The highs and lows of blood sugar

Melting Mama posted an article to her blog this week about the relationship between gastric bypass and low blood sugar. The article was of particular interest to me, because I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia a few weeks ago. Since then, life has been a constant balancing act as I figure out the best way to keep my blood sugar level throughout the day.

Before the diagnosis, I thought I was losing my mind. I was lethargic, spacey, dizzy, easily confused and could not focus on the simplest tasks. It would take every bit of willpower I had to stay awake at work and on the drive home. As soon as I'd walk in the door, I head straight to bed and crash. Often, I'd sleep for the entire night only to spend an hour the next morning willing myself out of bed.

After a month of dealing with this, just about any diagnosis would have been welcome. But once I heard the news, then reality set in. Not only is this most likely a permanent condition that will require constant diligence, I had trouble wrapping my brain around my body's new dietary needs.

Here I had spent two years following the gospel of three meals a day (no snacks), few to no carbs, protein drinks vs. protein bars (drinks are lower in calories), and absolutely no sugar. I had finally gotten the rules down pat and didn't have to think about them anymore.

But hypoglycemia carrries its own set of rules: Eating every three to four hours keeps blood sugar most level; protein elevates blood sugar but fiber helps level and maintain it so complex cars are a good thing; protein bars are better than protein drinks because they don't cause a rapid change in blood sugar; and in low moments, sugar can be the difference between maintaining consciousness and passing out.

I had a brief moment of bitterness upon hearing my surgeon's bariatric coordinator rattle off this advice to me. I felt like the rug had been pulled from beneath me. Eating four to five times a day worried me. What if I gained all my weight back? Carbs a good thing? What if eating them led me to feel hungrier or caused me to binge? Eat sugar? Seriously? What planet was this and what did the pod people do to my doctor?

After getting off the phone, I did a little Web research and talked to other post-ops who also had hypoglycemia. I made myself a shopping list and other notes based on their advice. Though my doctor wanted me to eat three full meals a day and two protein-rich snacks, most post-ops I talked to said their blood sugar levels were best maintained by eating four or five equal-sized mini-meals each day. All the post-ops I spoke to said cheese and peanut butter were their best friends. Some kept glucose pills handy; others didn't. All recommended I keep a stash of yucky-tasting crackers that I could grab when at a low point but that wouldn't be tempting to me otherwise.

Next, experimentation came into play. Cheese was definitely my best friend, but peanut butter wasn't as helpful. I keep a jar of it at the office just in case I get desperate, but I'm more apt to select a protein bar instead. My body feels best if I eat at least three whole-food meals each day.

For me, bars are definitely better than drinks. My favorite bars are Think Thin cruncy peanut butter (available at Trader Joe's) and Oh Yeah! chocolate-mint wafers (available online and at the Vitamin Shoppe). A half-serving is all I need to keep my blood sugar level. Both Think Thin and Oh Yeah! chew down very well so as not to overfill my pouch, but the Oh Yeah! bars are more convenient because they come with two wafers in each pack -- instant portion control.

Liquid protein is a toss-up for me. AchievOne sends my blood sugar soaring through the roof and then crashing down, but I can mitigate that if I eat an ounce of cheese after finishing my drink. Nectar-brand drinks don't cause any wackiness at all.

Carbs are a necessity for me, but I'm still learning how to effectively use them. My typical breakfast is high-fiber cereal mixed with flax seeds and Fage 0% Greek-style yogurt. Cheese and crackers is not as helpful and ends up being more of a trigger food. Salads are a good way to incorporate complex carbohydrates with my protein. I eat salad almost every day now.

As I said before, it's a balancing act. It's a challenge but it's not impossible. and if anything, at least it prevents me from getting bored.